Sometimes it looks like I’m the ‘fiercely go after my dreams’ kind of girl, and in a way I am. I do love to set my mind to something and make it happen. But, sometimes they still scare the crap out of me. In a way that paralyses me and makes me question everything. That happened again last week.
One morning last week, I woke up feeling like I need to move to the country for a year or two. Where the towns are little and the people know one another by name and you never have to look far to see the beauty of the landscape. Somewhere totally different to where I live now. I don’t know why it came into my head, or why I can’t shake the feeling that it’s the right (next) move for me. But I’m freaking scared by it too.
It’s big. Or it feels big to me. It feels crazy and frivolous and like I’m following old patterns that ended badly. And what if this doesn’t work out either? What if I declare this crazy dream to move 4 hours from here to a town where I know no one and I suck at country living and I hate it?
The fear of falling on my face in front of people, is kind of terrifying. Do you ever feel that too? 3 years ago I shared a crazy dream of moving somewhere completely different (it was halfway across the world that time and on another blog) and it just didn’t work out. And I felt like a big failure for months afterwards. Though I tried not to let on. Am I walking into the same mistake again? Do I know better now?
The gremlins will creep in and try and stop your dream, I’ve found. They’ll remind me that my 16 year old self would be shocked at my thoughts of moving to the country. That I hated the outdoors and the quiet and the slowness. Even though I love those things now.
Then come the next gremlins with their “who do you think you are with these big dreams?”. Telling me that I tried once and it didn’t work. Let that be a lesson to me. But maybe the lesson was to work out where is a better fit for me and try again?
Maybe you’re a bit like me and you have dreams that feel too big and scare the crap out of you too? But maybe we have to be brave and let ourselves daydream, and plan and do the work and make them happen anyway? Screw those gremlins. Let’s see where the daydreaming and planning takes us and our ideas. Are you in?
Let’s write it down. Then break it down into things we can research or do in 20 minutes or less. Then make it a 20 minute a day habit. Chip away at it. Keeping it safe, if we need to (Clearly I’m skipping this step as I’ve just shared it with the world right here, eep!). Then see if it takes us where we want to go (or maybe somewhere even better).
Maybe, just maybe, it is the journey and not the destination that ends up being the important bit? It’s about chasing dreams and catching some and changing our minds on others, but learning a ton along the way. That seems way less scary.
What’s next for me and this crazy dream? Doing the work, making enough income to make it happen and chipping away at it, little by little, day by day. And one day, possibly next year, I’ll be driving into a new town that might just feel like a new version of ‘home’.
Do you get scared about following your big dreams too? Want to be brave together?